


Letters to Castiel

by the_girl_with_all_the_fandoms



Category: Supernatural
Genre: ? - Freeform, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Letters, M/M, No Dialogue, No Plot/Plotless, i don't actually know what this is, just writing, letters to cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-17 15:42:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1393192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_girl_with_all_the_fandoms/pseuds/the_girl_with_all_the_fandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm not sure what this is. Just take it as letters to Cas, but there isn't really any plot behind it. It's just writing. I'm not sure if the questions are from me or Sam or like God or someone? Anyway, yeah, Letters to Castiel - they aren't long, letters never are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters to Castiel

I wonder when you realised you loved him. I wonder how long it took you to understand what that feeling was. Angels don't love, angels obey. But you broke that rule, just as you broke every other rule. 

Was it in hell? When you went to rescue a human soul and saw it ravaging others on the rack? 

Was it after you had fought your way through blood and fire only to see a soul twisted out of recognition? Did you see the soul for what it truly was, lost, misguided, broken and yet hopeful, pure and loving. So very, very loving.

Did you doubt even once that he was the soul you were meant to save? Or did you just know? 

Did you see him and fall in love in that very moment?

Or was it when you began to rebuild him? When you stitched together each piece of his body and realised he was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen? 

I sometimes wonder if he loved you too in that moment? If he knew you were the one he was meant to be with?

Did you lay a hand on his shoulder to stop him? Was that the first mark you left on his body? Or did that come later, after you had placed every part of him into its rightful place, returned each freckle its home on his face, looked into his eyes and saw the broken spirit of the child that had been crying out for so long inside him and had to clench your own heart to stop it from ripping to pieces in the sight of such lost innocence? Was it when you finally took hold of him and lifted him from hell, feeling his head nestle into the crook of your shoulder and realised that was where it belonged?

Did you cry when you returned him to this plane and realise that he didn't know you?

You had spent forty long years rescuing him from that godforsaken place, risked life and soul to save him, and he didn't know you.

Did you feel the tear in your heart when he thrust that dagger into your chest? Did you realise that was heartbreak and not the work of the knife? 

I wonder if you tried to make him remember? If that is why you stand so close to him, look so deeply into his eyes...are you begging him to look back into yours and remember?

What is it like to watch him fall in love all over again? To see him struggle with those feelings? To want to tell him that it is okay, and it is right, and you love him too but to be so unable to say any of that?

Do you even know how much he loves you?

How many times he has said 'I love you' just not in those words?

Did you hear it the first time? Did you hear it when he said "Don't ever change Cas"? Or was that just another command to you?

Can you see it in his eyes when he looks at you? Can you feel him looking even when you are not?

Is it torture to watch him fall in love? To want him to just realise so you can say everything you have been holding back for so long?

Or is it wonderful? To watch as he re-experiences everything all over again? To see him notice everything about you and slowly realise this is different to anything he has ever felt before?

Do you sit and watch the dawn rise and wonder what it would be like to have him there beside you?

Heartbreak is not crying at night, listening to sad songs and watching sad films. Heartbreak is when you are making breakfast and suddenly feel a punch to the gut because something reminded you of them. Heartbreak is dropping everything at the last minute to be at their side, even though you know it won't matter to them. Heartbreak is falling over and over again, giving everything you have and getting nothing in return.

Do you feel that around him?

Or do you love him unconditionally?


End file.
